Yesterday, I was sitting in the living room with Chloe. I was being lazy, as usual, flipping through the channels, while she played with her Magnetix on the floor. At one point, she said "Look what I spelled, Mommy!" and pointed to a straight line of magnets on the floor. They said:
I WSH U WERE SKINE
My heart sank when I read the words. My poor baby has a fat mommy and she was letting me know that it really bothers her. She's made comments about my fat before. Examples include when we were watching the "Fat" video by Weird Al on youtube. After it was done, Chloe enthusiastically said, "MOMMY, you could be THAT GUY! You're just as fat as he is!" or when, the next morning, she woke up and was staring at the profile of my face and said, "You really do look just like fat Al." The last few weeks, it seems as though she's become obsessed with my weight.
I've tried diet after diet and I lose weight on all of them. My problem is that I can't stick to them. I am religious about dieting for a week or two, then fall back into my old eating patterns. It's easier to eat what I want, when I want. But, maybe easy isn't the way to go anymore. I can thank Chloe, my four year old daughter, for making me see my body as it truly is and helping me find the strength to do something about it.
Today is day one. I weigh 303 pounds and do indeed look like Weird Al on the Fat video. Ugh. I shopped for healthy food and am sitting now with my Curves 6 week challenge book and another one called "Walk off the Pounds", a notebook and my new blogspot account. Maybe this will help me stay accountable. God knows, nothing else has. I'm going to email the blog address to a few of my supportive friends and family and we'll take it from here.
New haircut
Chloe and I at Jeff's wedding (-20 pounds)
2 comments:
Supportive Friend #1 checking in!!
Just want to say this: I know how much you love Chloe, but please do this first and foremost for YOU!!
Good start and good luck!
Love you bunches!!
I know, I know. That makes sense. I've always "done it for myself" before this and it's never worked. I've never been the most important person in my life. I know I have to work on that, too. I'm confident that doing it for Chloe and so that I can be alive/around for her is going to provide so much more motivation than doing it for me. Girl, it's a character flaw, but the "me" word is so low on my priority list.
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